Ok, I’m at the age of awkward conversations. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, late twenties is when people start asking the serious shit; babies, marriage, house, career etc. It’s also the time when strangers feel the need to say “that look suits you” when you have your nephew on your hip. Of course, we all want babies.
Let’s face it broaching these topics with your partner/date is always slightly cringe. A clumsy charade where you try to get maximum information in as few words as possible. Why can’t we just ask this shit outright? I mean stickybeak family and friends have no problems brazenly asking “when’s he going to put a ring on it?”
I guess it’s slightly scary putting yourself out there – taking a risk – hoping they want the same things. It also puts a lot of pressure on the relationship, what does it mean if our values don’t align? Do we pursue this? Will you change? Will I change?
Like a true romantic, I like to think when you’re with the perfect person you make compromises. These big things don’t matter so much because you’ll work it out – meet half way. But the older I get the more I realise most people have their set core beliefs, their sticking points, the things they won’t budge on, myself included.
I think Tinder profiles should include mandatory fields along with name and age, where you answer all the tough shit, honestly. The unglamorous truth– warts and all. Then, you list all the things you’re not willing to compromise.
Mine would look something like this:
Marriage: Is important to me.
Babies: Not so much.
House: If you’re paying. I have no inheritance and I want to travel. One day?
Family: Is a big deal – you must make effort with my sisters, talk carpentry with my Dad, and peel potatoes for my Mum. You must come to all family events and want to be there. Also, you will need to ask my Dad for my hand in marriage, because I like that tradition.
Friends: I only have a few – but they’re everything. You need to be able to make them laugh.
Careers: I don’t care much about – as long as you get paid, and you’re passionate about something cool. I have a boring government job but get my kicks from writing on the side.
Things that I will not change:
I will always drink too much wine. Do not make me feel bad about this.
I will never take you back if you cheat on me. Conversely, I’ll never cheat on you.
I will always swear - it’s how I express myself.
Christmas and Easter are important to me, though I’m not religious.
I will always overeat at Christmas and Easter.
I am lactose intolerant, but I will always eat cheese. Sorry in advance for the stinky times ahead.
I like routine so much it’s painful. I’m one of those people who can eat the same thing for lunch every day, and I will, so don’t judge me.
I am a morning person, I will get up early and talk at you in bed.
So... it may scare the shit out of some people, but it would definitely cut out all that pointless chit chat, and save everyone a whole lotta time.
Luckily, Ollie and I are on pretty much the same page for the majority of our wants. We try to limit serious discussions because we don’t want to quash that romantic, off the cuff vibe. It’s nice to keep some things a surprise, and let life unfold naturally. And to be honest we still find the chats awkward as hell.