I think like most girls my age I suffer from anxiety and low self-esteem. A seemingly small thing can play on my mind for days; I worry about how I appear, constantly compare myself to others, and have trouble turning my brain off each night. So, listed below are my most loved mantras. They help ray ray out on the daily - so if you’re suffering from anything I’ve listed above maybe they’ll help you too.
Everyone’s just thinking about themselves. I’m not being catty – but it’s true. This mantra is particularly helpful when I have a cold-sore, pimple or bags the size of Texas residing under my eyes. Most people are so worried about what’s going on in their personal space, they won’t even notice your fugly pizza face.
We all have insecurities; no one thinks they have the perfect blah. I have two miniature mates with bodies I idolise. I’ve never felt comfortable with my shape. I feel like I have broad shoulders and soccer player’s thighs. But since talking to the petite pair – I’ve realised they're equally anxious about their appearance. So, the things I dislike about myself could be the very thing someone else is pining for; white skin, big lips or straight hair. I’ve learnt to be comfortable in my own skin. I can’t change my shape and at least the ol’ thunder thighs help me pedalling to work each day. I also try to put my insecurities into perspective, I may not have a hectically good figure; but I have four working limbs and ten working fingers.
You never know what goes on behind closed doors. Through conversations with friends, my sisters and colleagues – I’ve come to realise every couple has their issues. No relationship is perfect no matter how flawless the Instagram feed. I’ve wasted so much time comparing my relationships to others; wondering whether people have the same fights or share the same issues. The thing is you never know what a couple is really like when they’re completely alone; what makes them work, or not work. Just remember, you’re privy to a polished partnership in public, people are on their best behaviour. Don’t be fooled into feeling like this is the regular, every day – most couples have problems in big or little ways.
It’s OK to feel like a fraud. A lesson I recently learnt when I was promoted to Digital Asset Producer at work. It’s a fancy title but kinda just means a Graphic Designer/Editor/Camera Operator in one. I’ve never been professionally trained in Premiere; I had a few classes in uni then taught myself the program. Similarly, I studied a little Graphic Design but am largely self-taught. I remember after my first week I went home in panic and said to Ollie “I just don’t know if my designs are good, I’m not a proper graphic designer!” he responded calmly (like always) “Your designs are great, and what’s a graphic designer anyway – someone who gets paid for design work, just like you”. I spoke to one of my colleagues the next day, she’s a successful Australian Director and has become a mentor/friend. I explained I was feeling like a fraud in my new role, she simply replied “everybody feels like a fraud”. I don’t think this is a 100% true, but I like the sentiment, everyone can feel a little unsure of themselves, so stay strong and just fake it till you make it.
It’s not always, anything, everything, nothing. This is actually a piece of professional advice I received from a psychiatrist I visited when trying to quash my negative inner voice. BTW, the ray ray inside is massively impolite; a raging Joan Rivers-esque mean pest. The shrink said when you find yourself in a spiral of negative self-talk, stop and unpack each thought. You’ll find that you’re using unrealistic/exaggerated sweeping statements; everything is turning to shit, you’ve achieved nothing today, why do you always eat junk. Focusing on all the negatives, and no positives. I’ve found I also tend to do this when I’m upset with friends or family; she never does anything nice for me, she always cuts me off when I’m talking, he never asks me anything about myself. Same thing – you pull your thoughts apart and realise you’re blowing things way out of proportion.
It’s taken a while, but I’ve trained myself to recognise this behaviour and turn my negative, self-critical thinking around, which means Joan Rivers visits a little less these days – thank god.