I’m a toucher.
Yep, one of those annoying people who is all up in your personal space. Doesn’t matter whether I’ve known you five minutes or for many years, I like to show my affection physically and get all touchy feely. I’m a kisser, a hugger, an unashamed leg rubber. This has proved to be a slightly problematic trait, it can be easily mistaken for flirting, which doesn’t gain me any points with friends or partners. In the past my boyfriends have struggled with pangs of jealousy, felt insecure or worried I would cheat. It’s also not the best habit to have in a professional work] environment, you run the risk of being that overfamiliar creeper that people flock to avoid at Christmas parties. But I can’t help it; I am truly calmed by physical connection and it’s just how I show my affection.
As a kid I set a nightly routine with my Mum which I demanded she adhere to. I would lay on my tummy, she’d give me 10 pats and 10 strokes (on my back, you sickos), a kiss on the forehead and say good night. There was something so calming about this ritual; it soothed me and sent me off into a blissful slumber. These days if I’m struggling to switch off and settle into sleep, I make Ollie do those very same somatic steps.
When I’m sleeping I also like to have skin to skin contact. I love the weight of Ollie’s arm pressing down on my body; it makes me feel safe and secure. Throughout the night I’ll switch from little spoon to big spoon, from a koala like full body grip to a simple hand hold. Even if it’s just my foot pressed against Ollie’s calf I have to have be connected to him somehow. So if you get sweaty during your siesta or like your own space, I’m your worst nightmare. There is some science behind my snuggling sensibilities, when you sleep skin to skin with your partner the hormone oxytocin is released, which gives you those comforting feels. It also lowers your heart rate and reduces blood pressure, so basically hugging in the nud gets you high AF.
I’m guessing my penchant for petting is also psychological, I’m a needy little Ray Ray at times. If Ollie and I are chilling at home and I go too long without a cuddle, I become a crazed attention seeking whore. I’ll put my face in front of his computer until he awards me with a kiss or hug. If I can’t get it from him I force it from our cat. Studies have found human-animal interaction is also highly beneficial for our psychological and physical health, pets can lower stress and ease anxiety. Max does feel a lot nicer to pat than Ollie.
I can certainly understand why people feel awkward, or don’t like being touched. You have every right to protect and enjoy your own personal space. Christ, Sting felt so passionately about the matter he titled a song: Don’t stand so close to me. I just feel like political correctness has stifled what used to be a very carnal, natural thing. And I’m not talking about embracing man spreads on public transport, but hugs amongst friends or colleagues should be welcomed, championed even.
N.B. If I meet you I will hug you.