I come from a pretty progressive family; Mum and Dad shared their responsibilities and didn’t necessarily conform to traditional gender roles. My Dad stayed home to care for me as a kid while Mum went back to work; he used to bake blueberry muffins, make us lunch every day and pick us up from school. Mum did this stuff too, while cultivating a career and continuing to study; she did her Masters while working full time and raising four girls. Pa’s a trained teacher and a pretty mint builder, so he had some flexibility and always had a few jobs on the go for extra cash. My parents fashioned a partnership that was irrefutably fair, and I think that’s why they’re still together after all these years.
Naturally, I want the same foundations of balance and equality within my own relationship. I’m all about sharing the shitty chores, doing nice things for one another, supporting each other and nurturing aspirations. Ollie is usually pretty good at helping around the house, but occasionally I feel like a stereotypical housewife from the ‘50s, hell I already have the surreptitious drinking problem.
I get lumped with the laundry or confined to the kitchen; there’s an assumption I know these areas better than my male counterparts. Ironically, when Ollie does feel like cooking, he is far better than I. Recently he made a beef wellington from scratch, that shit was lit. Also, I’m terrible at doing the washing. I’ve shrunk piles of Ollie’s shirts, destroyed dresses, and discoloured white singlets. In our house we’ve learnt to love tight clothing covered in pills and remnants of tissue. Still I make sure every week we have clean clothes and fold everything nice and neatly, Ollie’s done the washing here once.
I think the difference is boys are kind of inherently lazy, or have less of a care factor. They’ll turn their underwear inside out for prolonged use before doing any laundry. Cook easy mac rather than make a proper meal. I know I’m generalising, but the majority of men I’ve dated have been the same.
In saying that, Ollie does do some things around the house that I can’t for which I am deeply appreciative. He changes light bulbs, drills holes to hang paintings or blinds, and takes the batteries out of the fire alarm when it’s going berko (I know, it’s illegal). I am grateful for his height and strength, and can see how physicality in a way may determine your domestic duties. My greedy gut guarantees our fridge is fully stocked, and snacks are at the ready. He also gets the hair out of the drain on a regular basis, no easy feat when I shed like a beast, actually it’s like one of those clown handkerchief skits, he just keeps pulling and pulling this never-ending train of hair.
Contemporary inner-city living demands two incomes, you can’t possible survive on one. So if you're both working full time, contributing to cash flow, you should both chip in with the chores. It’s all about finding a happy medium; you both bear the brunt and work through your everyday errands together. It’s also important to say thank you, to be mindful of the effort made and show your gratitude.