Sleepless in Surry Hills

I’ve always been a pretty good sleeper. Mum says I was a child of routine, I would rise at the same time every day, and now as an adult I have a pretty consistent snoozing schedule. That was until I moved in with Ollie and his seriously loud snoring stole all my Zzz’s.

Anyone stuck spooning a sole mate who snores; you feel my pain. I fluctuate between wanting to suffocate Ollie to feeling genuinely concerned about his breathing. I pinch, prod and unleash all profanities, desperately trying to make him stop. Then I lay racked with guilt, because deep down I know he can’t control it and hates the fact he keeps me awake. Now I’m tangled up in these mental gymnastics with a manlike metronome beside me, and I can hear the first garbage truck arriving. It’s almost time to get up and I haven’t slept a wink.

Honestly, I see why sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. It sends you fucking cray cray. The days I skimp on shut eye I’m lethargic, angry at everything, clumsy, and just can’t concentrate. I have zero motivation and no patience. One night, I did an experiment and woke Ollie up every single time he woke me up snoring. The next day he was a moody, petulant mess. Ollie’s usually so calm and chill but he was straight up crabby. This gave me some comfort, it seems everyone turns into a bitch when they don’t get to kip.

I can’t place the blame for my recent string of sleepless nights solely on Ollie. Our new house is in a very noisy neighbourhood. We have a bunch of raging queens on one side and a bustling Thai restaurant on the other. It doesn’t help growing up on a farm turned me into a super sensitive sleeper. I became accustomed to pitch black, dead quiet nights. Now I find it difficult to nod off when I have artificial street lights flooding my room and a Madonna medley being massacred by 6 grown men.

Thankfully, I’ve found some solace in earplugs but it hasn’t been all smooth sailing. The first few months of wearing them I got pressure ulcers in my ear canals, and multiple ear infections. I had to treat them with antibiotic drops and sleep sans Oliver. My resentment levels were quite high at this time. Now I use smaller, more malleable foam earplugs and they work a treat. According to the Doctor, I have tiny ear canals, so the adult earplugs were just too big. That fact is somewhat superfluous – but it’s just the first time someone has described something on my body as tiny and I really like saying it.

Yes, I look like a real freak when I’m sleeping these days; earplugs, eye mask and a pile of Restavit near my bed just in case I find no relief. But I am managing to get a solid 8 or so hours, which is doing wonders for my mood and energy levels.

So relish in your REM and savour your siesta, you never know when it could be jeopardised.

#snorewhore #sleepygirl #badbedbuddy