No, I'm not kidding. I'm obsessed with ALDI.
It’s afforded me a lifestyle of luxury, of frivolity and excess that has been unknown to me since I moved to Sydney and rent stole all my money.
Firstly, it’s freaking cheap. I think my shopping bill has halved easily since I started shopping at ALDI. Secondly, they have fancy as fuck products. I can roll out of a midweek shop feeling like an absolute baller, my hessian shopping bag overflowing with all kinds of arrogant purchases; washed-rind cheese, truffle oil salami, pine nuts, brioche, marinated feta.
The list goes on.
I love that I can entertain and be a lavish hostess, treat my friends to an extravagant feast and not break the bank. I can head to a party knowing I’ve got the snack situation covered, and because it’s cost half the price of what I’d usually pay at Woolies I can spend the extra dosh on another bottle of vino. ALDI lets me be generous, which is something I love to be.
Moreover, for the days I’m hung-over and hate myself, ALDI’s frozen section is there. I can eat my way through a family size frozen lasagna, gorge on party pies till my sides hurt, or chew through a box of ALDI brand pizza pockets.
Shopping is also really fun at ALDI. I love looking at the funny names of their products, clearly imitating other branded goods. Damora instead of Sakata biscuits or cheese streamers instead of stringers, classic.
As a teen I used to be self-conscious, and didn’t want to be the weird person eating cheap imitation brand food, now I celebrate it. I feel like I’m part of an ALDI cult and I get so excited when I find fellow ALDI fans.
Plus they stock random cool shit, including jarred hotdogs (yet to try) and household goods. I’ve updated my running attire, splashed out on some new glassware and trialed ALDI brand Lacura Lipstick, and was pleasantly surprised by the price and quality.
There are a few things I don’t like about ALDI, while their fruit and veg is fresh and tasty the packaging is excessive. Everything is wrapped in plastic, which is not so fantastic.
Also, the chicken. I was warned by my beautiful bright-eyed food scientist friend that their chicken was a little dicey. I recently tried cooking it in a curry; it had a slight greenish tinge, slimy texture and released a weird amount of water as it was cooking.
Gross.
Lastly, I really hate that every visit I leave with a million things that weren’t on my list and that I don’t need. Well, that probably has more to do with my absolute lack of self-control and my obsession with Haribo bears.
Stay classy ALDI, I love you.